You Must Build a Boat iOS Review: You (Cannot) Escape

You Must Build a Boat is fun, but fun in the way procrasturbating is fun; there are other things you could be doing — ought to be doing — but don’t because you must build a boat.


Tell him I’m… busy.

While an iOS review isn’t the place to go into my sexual consciousness (deviance?) and self-hating guilt, it is the place to argue what you’re really getting out of You Must Build a Boat (hereafter referred to as YMBAB). Because the answer is nothing, you are getting nothing but some moderate escapism.

To a degree, YMBAB ought to be praised for it’s meta-narrative: you are trying to escape. YMBAB is a game that’s a sequel to 1000-et al where your goal was to escape a prison, but now your goal is to build a boat to escape the authorities. You’re almost guaranteed of a third installment where you’ll have to escape a cannibalistic island or a mutinous crew or another prison (see Prison Break Seasons 1-3). The game, like so many other tap-happy apps in itunes wants you in a veritable Samsara cycle. Continue reading

FRIENDS Analysis: Joey Tribbiani’s Soulmate is Lydia

FRIENDS Created by: David Crane, Marta Kauffman & additional credit to Kevin S. Bright (executive producer)

FRIENDS Created by: David Crane, Marta Kauffman & additional credit to Kevin S. Bright (executive producer)

For Monica Geller’s Soulmate, click here.
For Ross Geller’s Soulmate, click here.
For Phoebe Buffay’s Soulmate, click here.
For Rachel Green’s Soulmate, click here.

Today’s Topic:
Soulmationships: Joey Tribbiani and Lydia


Dim-witted characters get taken advantage of… a lot. No where is this truer than with Joey Tribbiani — another tragic figure in the roster of Friends. So many people take advantage of Joey, from his tailor molesting him to his first “girlfriend” when he moved to the city (the one with the Adam’s apple) to the casting director of Days of Our Lives (DOOL).

Frequently, Joey is used by women, but his dim-wittedness leads him to believe it’s the opposite. Consider how many women Joey brings back to his apartment… they know where he lives, but how many make an effort to return? Joey is an actor, something most women on the show immediately discredit (see Lydia’s mother), and most don’t see Joey as a long-term romance (see Erin [aka Charlotte from Sex in the City]).

There’s even evidence of women seeking Joey for a slice of his stardom. When Joey uses his role of Dr. Drake Ramoray to entice women, it’s really the opposite and women sleep with Joey knowing full well he was on DOOL. Just look at his stalker, Erika (Brooke Shields), Rachel in the ‘What-If’ episode, and even Lauren (Kate’s understudy) who leads with, “I scheduled my classes around Days of Our Lives.”


We’re led to believe that Joey is a ladies man… but for the first 3 seasons, the alleged womanizer has an extremely hard time picking up women. All of them provide a certain challenge or obstacle, and it’s only when Kate Miller destroys him that he loses all hope of finding love and becomes a genuine womanizer.

That’s the tragedy of Joseph Francis Tribbiani Jr., he is a hopeless romantic used for his good looks and ‘fame.’ Yet he doesn’t waver. For the longest time, he continues pursuing women because, more than anything else (more than sandwiches, jam, and sex), Joey wants kids. Continue reading

Mystery Movie Review #1: Guess Who I Am


I saw this movie with Bill during a very looong night. On the surface, the pacing is slow and the storytelling is uneven (being non-linear and a bit all of the place), but it was pretty good; refreshing. To give the most objective review of this film I could think of, I decided to remove the title and character names and approach it structurally. Why not make it a game?

See if you can guess the movie we reviewed?

Continue reading

The Sherlock Effect

Movie Holmes – Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law
BBC Holmes – Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman
House, M.D. – Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard
The Finder – Geoff Stults and Michael Clarke Duncan


Detective work and deductive reasoning tend to lead to good stories. Strong personalities solving mysteries are often interesting pieces. In this case the characters of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson have created strong influences.

The visual elements of entertainment have grown significantly and have dramatically added new ways to tell stories. As such we have been exposed to (at least) two new Sherlock/Watson teams in Robert Downey Jr. aided by Jude Law and Martin Freeman assisting Benedict Cumberbatch as well as two teams in their likeness represented by Hugh Laurie balanced by Robert Sean Leonard and the dynamic Michael Clarke Duncan as Geoff Stults’ guardian.

I’ve spent a lot of time immersed in each interpretation and I doubt I will tire of them. It might be because I enjoy Sherlockian stories or because these productions have actually been good. Either way they have taken up a lot of my time. The fewest viewings have come with the Cumberbatch/Freeman viewings which I’ve seen once completely and some select episodes afterwards. House, M.D. I’ve seen twice with almost no real time away from it other than sleep. The Finder I saw a while ago and re-watch whenever I get a chance or just feel like I haven’t in some time. And the movies I’ve seen in theatres, a handful of times since, and whenever else I crave them.

These stories all have their own personalities and three of the four are portrayed as modern renditions of Holmes and Watson. We’ll start chronologically… Continue reading

Avengers Age of Ultron Review: Running Doesn’t Always Stand for Escape


Killing this Quicksilver was the right choice.  The Quicksilver in X-Men will sell more tickets and keep more attention despite his time on-screen.  I think it’s the goggles.

As an Artist: selling out sucks.  And the line is getting blurred with each new movie from the likes of Disney, Marvel, and Sony.  I commend Joss Whedon for following up his first Avengers with a solid second.  It was damn difficult for me to avoid any new information and I have no idea what was in previews or teasers.  I saw a quick image of Iron Man in the Hulk-Buster suit and maybe some water.  Joss Whedon does good work.  People know that and people are still angry about Firefly.  Whedon knows how to write with a lot of characters. Continue reading